So, this blog is supposed to be about fitness, wellness.  I have to take time every now and then to remind myself what that really means.  Now is such a time.

It can be very tempting when seeking physical fitness to stress yourself out, beat yourself up, come down hard when you come up short, make detrimental sacrifices and the like in the name of getting that perfect physique.  I don’t think that’s fitness.  I couldn’t care less what my body looks like if I am not happy, not at peace with myself and those around me and not living life to the fullest.  I have seen success in my journey to the body I want.  I am excited about that.  But I’m paying for it in other ways and its time for that to stop.

I am starting to notice that every time I eat a meal, I feel rushed because there is another appointment coming — something else to do.  Always.  At work, I eat at my desk, shoveling the food in as fast as I can because I have to get back to what I was doing since “there’s so little time in a day”.  I am working full time, in school, building a business and volunteering.  It’s a juggling act at best.  Everything I do in all of those areas centers around helping others to treat themselves well and to live happy healthy lives.  But I am out of balance.  Too much going on at once.

The slowest part of my day is my morning yoga practice and even then, it’s a struggle to just be.  Just. Be. To be present in this one moment with no thought of the next moment or the last one.  To be fully present to right now is a challenge for most of us in this society.  It certainly is for me.

I  am learning that I can’t do it all.  Eureka!  I have to say no to some things, to a lot of things and work on focusing my energy on the tasks that either must get done, or that have the greatest return on my investment in terms of personal fulfillment.  Some folks think of that as selfishness.  I think it’s fitness.

I’m learning how to slow down.  I’m still very, very clumsy with it — but I’m learning.

When I started this blog, I think I was close to my all time heaviest weight – 220 lbs.  I used to be ashamed of saying that, but it’s so just a number to me these days.  I embrace my body, where I am.  I am doing great things to improve my overall health and the weight issue is working itself out naturally.

I’m down to 190 now.  Sounds like a lot still but, hello!!! That means I’ve lost 30 POUNDS!!! That’s big shit in my book, folks.  I have energy and am loving life.  I’ll come back soon and write more about how I’ve gotten to where I am.

In the mean time.  Eat well, live well, love well, play well.

Laughter and Light,

Lex

I travel a lot for different meetings and conferences around the country. I can conceivably be away from home 2 weeks out of the month. This presents a number of challenges with respect to my efforts to eat well.

First, if I don’t plan well, my first 2 meals on travel days can be eaten in airports. Usually airports have chain fast food restaurants and chain sit down restaurants that sell quesadillas and hot wings. Breakfast is usually a nightmare. And to be honest, I’d just as soon skip breakfast than to eat a Burger King Crossandwich and be sick all day. I was surprised yesterday to find that I could get unsweetened oatmeal at the Potbelly’s at BWI. When I changed planes at O’Hare, I actually ran into a natural foods kiosk where I was able to grab a pint of blueberries and some trail mix with raw nuts and dried fruit. I was really surprised.

Once I’m onsite, I am usually too busy to venture out to a natural foods store/café or grocery store, so I’m stuck with the offerings in the hotel or the restaurants very close by. This was tough this week. Since I’m not eating meat, my choices are very limited. Yesterday I ended up having roasted tomato soup and a grilled cheese (on white bread) for lunch. It was disappointing as I am trying to limit dairy and I really don’t ever eat white bread. I was hungry though, so that’s what I ate. By dinner time, I was done making concessions and I asked the waiter if there were any possibility of having a vegetarian entrée. He spoke to the chef and he actually whipped up a specialty dish: grilled peppers, squash and Brussels sprouts with mushroom and onion stuffed zucchini on a bed of butternut squash puree. Yay!! Veggies. No greens, but still, it was better than the alternatives.

Meeting days are a nightmare. All of the meeting snacks are pure sugar. Let me tell you what’s on the table right now as I type this (oops, boring meeting). We have cookies, Andes candies, Twizzlers, doughnuts, Coke, Diet Coke and coffee. Yeah! I’m drinking lots of water. I am so surprised that I’m able to resist the sugar. This has been my downfall in the past, but I always feel terrible after the sugar rush. I feel like I’ve rounded a bend of sorts.

I thought about packing my own healthy snacks, but I’m concerned about my bag being x-rayed at the airport. I don’t know if I’m the only person who thinks about those things, but should I eat food that has been irradiated? Do I eat irradiated food anyway? Even the smoothie places I have found are all fruity smoothies. There are a couple of natural foods places and juice bars around that add veggies, but nothing close enough to my meeting to do me any good. I’m going to get out early tomorrow to try to find the one by the hotel. I miss my greens smoothies.

So, for lunch today I had a porridge made of wild rice, dried blueberries, dried cranberries, hazelnuts, maple syrup and way too much cream. That ruined it for me, but it was the first time I’d seen whole grains on any menu, so I went for it. I also had a huge greens salad. I know one has nothing to do with the other, but I had to get them in while I could. I don’t know what to expect for dinner tonight. I’m trying not to beat myself up so much about things.

I’m really realizing how important it is to be in charge of the foods your eating. I am upset about the dairy, since I’m sure it’s not organic. I’ve done so well over the last three months with this. My premenstrual symptoms have practically disappeared since I stopped the meat and dairy. I can’t even tell when my period is coming. I’m not sure if one was the culprit of if it was a combination of the two that was giving me grief, but I do know that if my symptoms come back this month, I’ll know for sure it was the dairy, since I haven’t caved on the meat. Although the bison burger was tempting at lunch today, I must admit.

I am also trying to get my water intake to where it needs to be. At my current weight, I need to be drinking a gallon of water a day!! Right now that seems impossible. I am waiting anxiously to stop having to pee every 10 minutes. It’s especially hard on the road. It’s one thing to leave my cube to go to the bathroom all day long, it’s different when I’m in a day long meeting. The good thing is that my supervisor is a water drinker too, so we tag team the potty.

Hopefully the week gets better.

Craving: Avocados

I’ve lost 3 pounds with  what seems like no effort at all, after Thanksgiving at that!!

This process of learning to be intentional about the foods I choose to offer my body is really beginning to change my life in ways I didn’t expect.  I think I started this process thinking that  changing my approach to eating would be one more thing to add to the laundry list of tasks that I have to get me to my goal – fitness.  Typically I have had to restrict my eating in one or more areas and stick to a rigorous workout schedule (usually running/walking and weight training) to see results.  The last two weeks, however, have surprised me.

I  have lost 3 pounds in the last 2 weeks without really doing anything that I would typically consider working out.  I have been taking belly dance, samba, hand dance and yoga classes sporadically, but that’s it.  I’m not requiring myself to dance a certain number of days per week or hours per day.  I just go when I have time or am in the mood.  It’s nice to see results from doing some things I love – eating well and dancing.

Yay!

I have been listening to a series of Podcasts about raw foods. During this podcast Karen Knowler, author of Raw Food for Beginners discussed the difference in energy level and vitality experienced by eating raw foods. She also talked about eating habits and the other things many people use food for, besides nutrition. This shed some light on a couple of things for me.

First, it has been tough getting to sleep the last few nights. I usually never have problems falling asleep, but since I’ve tried to include a lot more raw foods into my diet, I am wide awake at 11:30 p.m. and full of energy. I feel like doing something, but what do you do at that time of night besides laundry? Last night I noticed a pattern. While sitting on the couch waiting to feel sleepy I decided to get up and go to the fridge. I finished off the seafood salad I made for the potluck yesterday. I was finished the 2/3 c. portion before I remembered to slow down and chew my food 30 times per bite. After my belly was full, I was ready to go to sleep. And I did.

Two nights earlier I was writing a blog post that stirred up some emotions dealing with the reality of being single again, living alone and the fact that my friends who used to live across the street have moved to Texas. Bottom line, I was feeling lonely. Blogging stirs up emotions in me, whether I’m ready to deal with them or not. I went to the kitchen and made an apple and banana smoothie with coconut juice. It was small, about 8 ounces. I drank it, avoided the melt-down and went to bed.

This has me thinking about how often I used food to stuff down emotions that are welling up in me. I bet it’s far more often that I realize. I’ll be paying more attention to that in the next few weeks. In the meantime, eating raw foods is keeping me up at night!

Greens, Glorious Greens!

I bought red chard, kale and mixed field greens. I sauteed the red chard with garlic and cremini mushrooms, sun-dried tomatoes and white cannellini beans. I absolutely loved this dish. Yum-o. I made brown basmati rice pilaf (w/walnuts and dried cranberries) and mashed sweet potatoes (with ginger and raw honey) to go with it. I know that’s 2 starches, but I really wanted the sweet potatoes. Oh, and I made homemade cranberry sauce for a pot-luck at work, so I had some of that too. All yum.

I was talking about greens, right? Yes. I also made a greens smoothie for breakfast (kale, mixed field greens, apple, banana, carrot, celery and water). I swear to you that it was delicious. No matter what it sounds (or looks) like, it was refreshing and the apple and banana balanced out any bitterness I anticipated from the greens. Another yummer.

Slowing Down?

Wow. That takes consciousness. I am beginning to realize how much in life I do unconsciously. It’s really sad. It has been a struggle to put my fork down and chew each bite 30 times. I am used to being the first one done and then getting more so that I’m not the only one sitting there with nothing on my plate. It takes a lot of discipline and concentration for me to break this habit. I have noticed that saliva actually builds up in my mouth when I slow down and chew and, oddly, I don’t feel like I need to drink while I’m eating. Weird.

Along with slowing down I’m supposed to be working on eating meals un-distracted by the television, loud company or my computer. I haven’t been able to bring myself to eat in silence. It reminds me that I’m eating alone….again. And that sucks.

There was a time, when I first separate from my ex, that I really needed to live alone. I needed my space. I needed solitude to work though things and to find me again. Now solitude is just alone and it’s bothering me.

In June I began by eliminating meat and poultry from my diet. Initially I wasn’t inclined to say that I was attempting vegetarianism again, I simply felt that those foods were less beneficial than other choices I could make. It didn’t take long for me to lose my taste for meat. I have not craved it once in five months. I also eliminated fast food from my diet. I craved Wendy’s fries once and I had them. I haven’t craved them since. I kept seafood in my diet because I think fish has a lot to offer in terms of nutrition, and if I remain committed to buying quality fresh seafood (that actually once lived in its natural habitat), I should be fine. At first I craved it a lot. I think it was a texture and satiety thing. I needed to chew flesh, I guess, and I was used to the full feeling that comes with animal protein. Fish and shrimp gave me that feeling, but I’ve needed it less and less. I hardly ever eat seafood anymore – maybe once or twice a month is all.

Recently I’ve been reading more about the raw foods lifestyle. I believe wholeheartedly that our bodies are designed to function off of what the earth provides. I wouldn’t go so far as to say that I don’t think we are not supposed to eat meat, but I find that animal products have existed in my diet in unbalanced proportion. There are so many benefits, especially disease preventing and disease fighting benefits, which come from eating from the earth. I’m learning more about food properties and what we lose in the cooking process. The more I learn, the more I feel inclined towards raw foods. I don’t think I’m ready to have my stove removed from my kitchen or anything like that. But I definitely am ready to buy a high powered juicer/bender. Not only do I think liquefying veggies (especially greens) will be a healthy way to get them into my diet, I think it would be easy. I’d much rather wash a bunch of greens and throw them in a blender with some apples or something than figure out how to cook them properly, making sure to reserve the cooking liquid, blah, blah, blah. It certainly sounds like a simple option I can easily incorporate into my busy lifestyle.

I am not ready to give up all cooked foods. I still think beans and grains are important, and although I have heard that you can soak rice until it is edible, I’m not sure that’s going to work for lentils and all of the other beans and things I love. I plan to read a lot more about raw foods in the coming weeks. I’m signed up to listen to a couple of webcasts on the subject and I’d like to hear from you.

Has anyone converted to the raw foods lifestyle? Maybe you aren’t completely converted, but have found ways to include more raw foods into your diet. A real practical question, how has raw foods affected your grocery budget?

I’d love to hear from you.

Peace and wellness

Lex

This post is re-posted from my other blog, On Second Thought…

I’ve been away way too long. Sorry about that guys. Here’ what I’ve been up to:

• Bellydancing
• Samba
• Hand dancing
• Salsa
• Yoga
• Chiropractic
• Work (too many hours)
• Trying to fine tune my whole foods lifestyle
• Trying to adjust to Katrice and Kwesi abandoning me

So let’s take it from the top. After my dad got sick my workout schedule took a nosedive. Instead of going straight to the gym from work, I would go to the hospital to see him. Two weeks off is enough to kill any routine I have established. I am not a creature of habit. It takes time for me to develop a routine. I have to be very intentional about it for it to take hold. If I get off track, it’s hard for me to get back on track.

Now, I enjoy weight lifting and jogging when it’s nice outside. I like the way they make me feel but I wouldn’t exactly say that I love it. It feels like work. It feels like something extra that I need to do to be healthy, but not like something I love to do that just happens to be a healthy part of my life. So I decided that I need to find a way to get exercise in a way that is less of something else on my “to do” list and more something on my “I can’t wait to do” list –hence, bellydancing, samba, yoga, salsa and hand dancing. And would you believe that I found a place where I can do them all at the same place? I know!!! Me either!!!

So, I’m thrilled about my little home-away-from home studio. It’s a place that teaches a holistic, naturopathic approach to caring for oneself. It teaches the ancient healing benefits of the different dances and disciplines and encourages a healthy, whole foods lifestyle. It’s a place where one can pursue the mind, body, spirit connection with like-minded people who are, by the way, working out and having a good time. Yay!!! I spend lots of time there and get really annoyed when I have to work late and miss my classes. Which brings me to the next thing I’ve been up to.

Work. One morning at about 3am, while sitting on my couch still working, I realized that at some point I lost my boundary concerning home and work. I have notoriously managed this boundary very well. If I need to stay a little later or get in a little earlier to get things done, I’ll do that, but home is supposed to be my sacred space. No work here!! I lost sight of that recently and I need to find my way back to prioritizing my life appropriately. The thing is I enjoy my job and don’t mind doing the things I was working on, I just need to keep it out of my sacred space. I’ll figure it out in the coming weeks…with help. I’ll tell you about that soon.

Chiropractic. I never really thought of my chiropractor and massage therapist as holistic healers until this weekend. I noticed that western medicine isn’t big on referring people to chiropractors or massage therapists. They rather send you to physical therapy. I’ve concluded that taking care of my body is more than considering it in isolation from the rest of me and therefore I choose to exhaust alternative medicine before I turn to my physician. I’ve been having crazy neck and shoulder pain. I know it’s stress and the position of my monitor and spending too much time working and using my laptop on my couch and all this other dumb stuff I’m doing to myself. But I needed it fixed. I had options. I went to my massage therapist first. 90 minutes of pure ecstasy, I tell you. I could have married that woman! I felt like she worked out a lot of the tension, but quickly realized that I was just out of alignment. Off to the chiropractor and when I tell you I almost kissed that man when he hammered my little neck vertebrae back where they belong I am not kidding you. I don’t know how long I was out of alignment, but my weekend was so much better having had things put back where they belong. I still have major neck problems that will take 3 months of aggressive treatment to fix, but I’m good for now. Unfortunately, my freaking commute to work makes it almost impossible for me to take the time I need to go get fixed. My work and chiropractor’s hours are not compatible and my chiropractor is about 20 miles from work (which in DC traffic time means 1 hour away). Even when I tried to schedule appointments this week I had to cancel because of last minute meetings. I’ve got to figure this out. Don’t fuss at me. I’ll get it together.

My whole foods lifestyle. Trader Joe’s has finally moved to my neighborhood!!! My local organic market is as expensive as, if not more expensive than, Whole Foods. I was so glad to see TJ’s open up just up the road. I could stop by the TJ’s close to my old job on the way home from work, but now I don’t come near the place. I bought groceries this weekend and got double the stuff I can get at my local organic spot for half the price. I can’t get everything I need at TJ’s, but I’m saving money so that I can finance my dance habit. Good stuff!! I have had some ups and downs with trying to eat well. I still haven’t touched fast food or meat in 5 months, but football season has had me jonesing hard for chips and dip and beer on Sunday afternoons at 1pm. I’d make a meal of it, I tell you. I’m over it though. I think.

And last but not least, Katrice and Kwesi have moved to Texas. I was such a wuss that I left a note on their car to say goodbye. I couldn’t bear doing it face to face. Well, they showed me. They conveniently didn’t leave while I was at work that day. I got home from work just in time to watch them pack the last things in the car and drive away….all the way across the country. I still look for their cars when I come home from work. It sucks. BUT, I’m going to see them December 6-9, for the 1st Annual Corny Convention in Dallas. I can’t wait. I miss them already.

And, since this post isn’t as long as I thought it would be , I’ll tell you about figuring things out in the coming weeks with help. My new theme for self is, “when I know better, I do better”. I am learning a lot about other cultures, spiritual disciplines and ways of life through my quest to re-evaluate my belief system. In the process I have learned a lot of things that make more sense to me and feel more right for me than the norms of the culture to which I was born. I came across this passage in a book I am reading. It says it best:

We are all subjects–and victims–of our time and our perspective in history. Truth, or our perception of it, is a function of our limited, culture-bound understanding and is often as fluid as a change in custom…The best we can hope to do is rise above our culture as much as possible to see our biases, challenge them, and willingly allow our view of the world to shatter as our biases knuckle under the blows of scrutiny.

This is what this blog has always been about. I am re-thinking everything at once. It is so exciting and fun. I feel free of the guilt that came with shaking off the norms of the Christian community that guided my life for so long and now I feel like I can judge each new idea on it’s own merits. It has taken some time for the “Christian voice” in my heard to quiet so that I can think through some of these new ideas. But I’m far enough away from that voice now that I can evaluate new things for what they are and not what Christians say they are. Does that make sense? It makes perfect sense to me. I may need to rework that sentence when I edit. Anyway, I’ve hired a holistic health consultant to help me articulate my goals for this journey, create a plan to meet those goals and to teach me more about my body and the foods, drinks, etc. that are best for my optimal health (mind, body and spirit). It should be fun. I start on the 13th. I’ll let you know how it goes. I might be writing about all of that more on Fine Tuning, but who knows. The more I see the connections between mind, body and spirit, the less I see a need for 3 blogs. I’m realizing that I can’t separate these things as neatly as I once thought. I’m considering a merge. Who knows? We’ll see. Maybe I’ll just feed content between the blogs when it’s relevant.

So that’s what I’ve been up to. I’ll be catching up with you guys soon.

Any thoughts on any of this stuff? What do you think about that quote?

I haven’t weighed in in these 2 weeks, because I’m not looking forward to disappointment.  But I am finding that I miss fresh fruits and veggies when I don’t have bunches of them everyday, sweating from a good workout and seeing the numbers move in the right direction on the scale.

I had very good success last year leading up to the holidays.  I hope this fall I surpass that progress.  The bummer is that it’s already starting to get dark early.  I have fewer and fewer weeks left to get home and run before dark.  And besides, my running buddies are moving to Texas in a month anyway.  This means that I have to acclimate myself to working out at the gym again.  It’s not the end of the world, but its not my favorite thing to do…but at least there are still weekends.

I made killer curried chickeas (channa) yesterday.  Yum. Yum.  My house smells like curry, but, oh, well.  That’s the price you pay for healthy deliciousness.  I’m excited to try out new fall recipes.  It’s getting to be soup time, you know!!

I have a friend who is also trying to get into shape. He’s doing Body for Life. I did that program years ago, with tremendous results, so I work out with him so that we both have a workout buddy. It’s been great, but this morning at 5:15 he called and asked if I wanted to run. Um…WRONG question!! Of course I said no and went back to sleep. Better question: Do you have your shoes on yet? I have my good days and my bad days. I’m getting stronger and stronger with every workout.

Did I tell you I ran my 1st 2mile-run in YEARS!!! I shocked myself. I stopped to walk for about 2 minutes halfway through, but I can actually run again without dying. It’s amazing!! That was fast. I’m ashamed to admit this, but it had gotten to the point where I was getting winded walking up a flight of stairs. That had to end. And it has. Yay, Me!!!

Um, I can’t think of anything else except that I am ecstatic that this doesn’t feel like a chore. I feel like I’m buying back years of my life I was eating away. It’s an amazing feeling. Endorphins rock, hard!!

Be well, Lovelies!